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I made these 2 questions and they have been closed as too broad, but in my opinion and as i saw, in the opinion of other users too, they aren't broad at all.

There is only one clear question with examples and explanations, can someone help me reopening? I was interested in possible answers and users told me that they wanted to answer but they couldn't.

How to maintain friendships with women, while discouraging romantic feelings?

People say that my tongue is a slide

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  • 7
    Just because users have an answer for you, doesn't necessarily mean that the questions are on-topic for this website.
    – JAD
    Sep 14 '17 at 8:23
  • But they are ^^ Sep 14 '17 at 8:41
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    They are closed as too broad. You say they are not, but fail to explain why they wouldn't be.
    – JAD
    Sep 14 '17 at 8:43
  • Too broad isn't offtopic, do you need me to explain what too broad means? Sep 14 '17 at 8:46
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    I know the difference, but it doesn't matter. Your questions were voted closed, you disagree, but fail to explain why you disagree. So this discussion is pointless.
    – JAD
    Sep 14 '17 at 8:52
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    @MarcoSalerno Too broad doesn't fall under "Off-Topic" close reasons, so it's true it's not "off-topic". That said "too broad" is a regular close reason on SE. If questions are too broad, they get closed on the SE network.
    – JMac
    Sep 14 '17 at 9:53
  • Exactly and considering that these questions aren't too broad it doesn't make sense Sep 14 '17 at 10:07
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    @MarcoSalerno Apparently 5 people disagree with that.
    – JMac
    Sep 14 '17 at 10:21
  • As you wish, I think that this is how to ruin a community but i suppose the biggest votes counter always win so ^^ Sep 14 '17 at 10:32
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I'm sorry that you've had some of your questions closed. I know that it can be extremely frustrating, on the objective sites and here, on a site where you're sharing details about yourself, it can feel even worse. Please know that having a question closed isn't a failure and it's not personal.

It's also worth knowing that question closure isn't permanent. If you can edit your question to make it fit the site in terms of breadth or scope, we would love that and, if the community agrees that the new question is more limited, the question will be reopened.

While this site allows a lot of types of questions that other sites do not, we have to set some limits to keep the questions useful and easy to answer. One of the main rules of Stack Exchange is that if an entire book could be written on a subject, it's too broad. How to generally be a friend to someone of the other gender is one of those things. There are millions of ways.

So, how could you edit your question? Tell us more specifically about a friendship you're currently in with a woman that you think is heading towards the lady feeling romantically towards you and ask how to address it with this one woman. It's possible that the answers will apply more broadly but we need more details from you to propose a solution, otherwise, every solution might work, which isn't what Stack Exchange is for. Narrowing the question in this way will make it so that it can be reopened.

For your other question, the end question comes down to:

Do I have to assume this as my personality and keep living this way or I have to try to moderate myself? If yes, how?

You don't even have one question here. What you do in this situation is up to you. If you want to assume that you're stuck being the person you are, there's no reason to ask the question. Similarly, if you feel you have to change because that's what people expect of you, you're unlikely to change, no matter what advice we give.

Before you can change, you have to believe it's possible and want it yourself and then ask for help doing so. Show us that you want to change by asking a more specific question instead:

I tend to offend my friends because I say what I think without filtering it. How can I control what I write/say so that I don't sound rude?

I think we have a couple of questions that are similar to this already, so it may be a duplicate but if your details are different enough, it may be OK.

It seems that you're from Italy - it's possible that adding that information to your questions will help as how we interact is highly cultural. It may not... but it might be interesting to get some input from a fellow Italian or someone familiar with the culture.

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    I read the first paragraph, and just think... how stupid I was, not writing this :/ That was lacking explanation and empathy. Nice one Catija :)
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 14 '17 at 16:47
  • Wonderful opening paragraph @ Catija [as already noted by @OldPadawan], and you have also given a very clear suggestion what OP needs to do to improve his question(s). Sep 15 '17 at 14:18
  • @Catija, I'd say it WAS personal AND a restriction of the freedom of speech. Just by being polite, you cannot hide these facts. Interesting to note it's always the same people who seem to enjoy delivering their opinions time and time again. Sep 15 '17 at 16:13
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    @user1863152 - You have a very dim understanding of freedom of speech.
    – JohnP
    Sep 15 '17 at 17:08
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I just take the 3 questions you've posted so far. As far as I understand the guidelines of the SE network, and if I properly understood what they mean:

  1. Do I have to assume this as my personality and keep living this way or I have to try to moderate myself?

-> opinion-based. Why? it's an individual choice, and no one is the same, and will make its choice because of the same arguments / reasons.

  1. If yes, how?

-> too broad: there are so many way to moderate oneself! How could a 100-lines-answer cover just a slight part of this?

  1. How can I be friends with a girl without making her fall in love with me?

Ranges from blatantly off-topic to too broad, with opinion-based in the middle of the spectrum. How could you step into someone's mind and prohibit her from having feelings?

You need to narrow down to a question the community can answer, based on facts, references, experience or specific expertise. Until then, it will only attract low-quality answer, useless comments, and down/close votes.

Please think about what you want to achieve, how you can (maybe) split it in several different precisely crafted questions, and what could be the best way to phrase them.

Then, your topics could be re-opened, or deleted and replaced with your new questions.

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  • I think there aren't better ways to ask these topics, but i can't stop people from exagerating, i wont have answers nvm Sep 14 '17 at 10:18
  • FYI: I didn't DV or VTC, but I would never start writing a boring answer that would be, hopefully helpful, but soooooooooo long it would be 1. cut by the program and its caracters-allowed-limit, 2. not read by others because of its lenght... What would be the point of doing this for any member of the community? These aren't bad question in the sense/meaning/feelings they carry, there are just too many of them, intricate, overlapping, interwoven...
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 14 '17 at 10:28
  • But it doesn't mean that it's a good reason to close them, you can just pass to the next question or not? Sep 14 '17 at 10:29
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    According to the SE policy, that's been written by the owners / management of the community, revised, modified, and improved over the years by managers, moderators, and users, these are reasons to close. We, as a community, have to stick to these rules, they're enforced by the community. Nothing we can do about that: majority wins...
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 14 '17 at 11:02
  • OP is making the innocent point of many a new user on Stack Exchange (including myself as a new user 5 months ago) that if you disagree with my question why you need to close vote, why you dont simply move on to the next question, @OldPadawan:many newbies whose Q got closed see close-voters as busybody meddlers and I aint sure they aren't justified, but I request u to ignore these words and no self-righteous 'serious member' should start a war of words (read debate) over close-votes on account of this comment. To all members: please resist the tendency to debate such inflammatory comments! Sep 15 '17 at 13:56
  • @EnglishStudent : I agree, I went through this too. That's why I UV Catija's answer 1st paragraph too. Many new users have to understand how it works, and it's not that easy. The goal of this Q/A site is quality, therefore, any off-topic or unclear or you-name-it that lacks quality will be DV and closed 99% of the time. Invite you to check THIS question history -> DV++ / edited / DV++ / edited / closed / edited / re-opened / UV++ / answered.
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 15 '17 at 14:09
  • Totally right, @Old Padawan and thanks for the link. A patient and committed user who perseveres in editing their question will get it reopened, learn how close voting works and also learn how to write much better questions, and also get good answers, which is what I suggested just now in my answer to this question. Sep 15 '17 at 14:14
  • @EnglishStudent : and after the answer was upvoted and accepted, it has been DV. Why ? you most of the time never know... If I don't agree, I write it and say why to OP. Not because I disagree (that's my POV, he may have a different one), but because I feel like the Q or A needs to clarify, to make it more useful to others.
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 15 '17 at 14:17
  • Yes indeed @OldPadawan. That would be so helpful to improve the Q or A. I stopped giving much importance to downvotes as I 'matured in this bottle' -- I learned to ignore DV unless the OP of the question himself disagrees and downvotes my answer, in which case I might consider convincing him of my point of view. (This applies to other SE sites as well as IPS.SE) Sep 15 '17 at 14:24
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Close-voting on Interpersonal.StackExchange is fair and consistent. If you do not limit your question to one specific interpersonal problem, 5 people are sure to vote it closed. Questions that are more about our personality in interaction with many other people (although certainly 'interpersonal') are considered too broad for this site. @Catija has already provided a clear guideline to bring one of your questions on topic:

So, how could you edit your question? Tell us more specifically about a friendship you're currently in with a woman that you think is heading towards the lady feeling romantically towards you and ask how to address it with this one woman. (...) Narrowing the question in this way will make it so that it can be reopened.

Why is this suggestion so valuable: because it encapsulates the whole Stack Exchange approach to questions.

A patient and committed user who perseveres in editing their question will get it reopened, learn how close voting works and also learn how to write much better questions, and also get good answers.

Please also read my answer to this other recent meta question by a new user who wants to know why his question was voted closed:

https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/1713/381

Summary: Edit to improve either question, restricting it to a specific interpersonal conflict with clear aims, and I am certain (from personal experience) that the same close-voters will vote to reopen that question!

Go on, try it...

And I am sure you will become a major contributor here.

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  • Re: the same close-voters will vote to reopen. Definitely. +1
    – NVZ
    Sep 15 '17 at 16:13
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If you see the question is not worthy to be closed, then you can ask to reopen the question. Then people agreeing to your opinion can start to vote on the reopening.

Please bear in mind that you need 4 other people to reopen a question (5 votes in total). In this current form, I find it hard to do, if not impossible.

You can persuade people to reopen your question, but remember that it can be closed again by 5 people other than the original close-voters. Then you'll need another 5 reopen votes to open that again.

How to persuade people? Talk to them. Prove that your question is worthy to be reopened. You can even change the close voters mind.

The most appropriate way is to edit your question, of course. Listen to others' comments as they hint you closer to reopening. You can request reopen without edit, but most likely it will be ignored by the community.

I don't think your questions are too broad, but I do think they are worthy to stay closed. Can you persuade me to believe otherwise? Please provide your argument on this meta post why your questions fit the site and let's see if you can convince me and others to reopen your question.

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  • Why do i have to persuade someone to reopen my question on a site done to ask things on topic while my questions are on topic and not too broad? Sep 14 '17 at 10:07
  • @MarcoSalerno because you need the votes? You are free to not persuade anyone at all, but of course you should not expect people to suddenly vote reopen your question, right?
    – Vylix
    Sep 14 '17 at 10:08
  • Yes but i shouldn't be supposed to excuse me for something not wrong Sep 14 '17 at 10:15
  • @MarcoSalerno try reading this interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/697/…
    – Vylix
    Sep 14 '17 at 10:18
  • But i'm not "thinking that i'm not wrong" i am not cause rules are different. Sep 14 '17 at 10:18
  • @MarcoSalerno then go ahead, and good luck reopening your question.
    – Vylix
    Sep 14 '17 at 10:19
  • I'm sorry there's a clear contradiction in your answer. If you don't believe the questions were closed for the right reason then you should say what the problem is. And suggest what he could do to repair it. It's clear that the OP has posted on meta because he wants the two questions opened, suggesting that he asks a separate question is almost tautological.
    – user3114
    Sep 14 '17 at 12:00
  • @Mari-LouA is it my last line? I do don't think it's too broad. However, I cannot tell myself that it fits this site, somewhere borderline but more on the "not". Let's say it's a hunch. That's why I won't participate in closing or reopening it. However, I want the OP to realize that people can be convinced to vote reopen, mainly by editing those questions. I'm not sure what's wrong, so I can't suggest the parts to edit.
    – Vylix
    Sep 14 '17 at 12:08
  • @Mari-LouA his post in this meta question is not helpful. It just "please reopen this" without any convincing argument to the other users. I'll add an explicit suggestion for him to provide argument in this meta post.
    – Vylix
    Sep 14 '17 at 12:10

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