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I'd like to consider this question for re-opening:

Is the waitress nice to me because she likes me or because it’s her job?

It was closed as being too opinion-based.

Specifically, OP appears to be asking how to soft-shoe asking a lady if she's interested. If ever there were an interpersonal question, this is it. That the lady is a waitress is almost beside the point. She could be anything: co-worker, friend-of-a-friend, third cousin; heck, she could be any woman on Earth and OP might have the same question of how to ask her out without risking embarrassment.

I won't speculate (much) on the answers we'll expect. Okay that's a lie. There will likely be a lot of:

  • No way to know, use your intuition

  • No way to know, strap on yer brass ones and go for it

However, there may well be others. There is a lot of (let's call it) "social technology" on how to approach someone. No way to tell, unless question is reopened...

4
  • 5
    "That the lady is a waitress is almost beside the point." Really? She is at work and has to be nice to customers to avoid losing her job (and income) and the OP is a customer and wants to ask her while she is at work. I do think that this is important. It's not the nice lady he meets in the sub every day and who he makes smalltalk with etc. Nov 13 '17 at 17:04
  • @AnneDaunted there's a lot of precedent to ask out someone met through business. But okay, let's say you're right, and their customer/patron relationship is a factor; that argues that guy needs even more IPSSE help to negotiate the murky waters.
    – akaioi
    Nov 13 '17 at 17:07
  • 3
    This is a borderline question IMHO that has nothing but opinion based answers to come.
    – user1856
    Nov 13 '17 at 17:30
  • @AnneDaunted: I asked the original question. You are right. The fact that she is a waitress is the important point. If I would see i.e. every day a women at a bus station she has no reason to be nice to me. So if she would smile every time she sees me and maybe talks to me that would obviously be good signs. A waitress, and obviously other service personal, should be nice to every guest, even if they don't like the guest. And this is basically my question: How do I know if she is only doing her job?
    – user8838
    Nov 14 '17 at 6:35
8

You hit the nail on the head:

  • No way to know, use your intuition

  • No way to know, strap on yer brass ones and go for it

Both answers you suggest are

No way to know

This is the reason the question was closed in the first place. It is opinion based. There is no true answer, because, as you put it, there is no way to know what the answer is.

1
  • I suggested those because I'm no relationship expert or pick-up artist or anything, but surely someone out there has been through a similar thing... "So, miss, I was wondering..." kind of approach.
    – akaioi
    Nov 13 '17 at 17:50
2

This should have remained closed.

Theres a bunch of questions, all interfering with each other:

  • Title: Is the waitress nice to me because she likes me or because it’s her job?
  • Body: How can I find out without embarrassing her and/or me?
  • Body: But I would prefer to know in advance if it makes sense to ask her at all.
  • Body: I never asked her if she has a boyfriend or is married or something like that.
  • Comment: I guess I expect an answer, maybe from someone in the service industry, along the lines: When I am nice to a customer I do x and if I want to let him know I am interested in him personally I would do y.

Specifically, OP appears to be asking how to soft-shoe asking a lady if she's interested. If ever there were an interpersonal question, this is it.

Uhmm.. yeah. If that's the one you choose to pick. The question wasn't edited to remove the other points. So, what are we going to answer here?

  • Is she nice because it's her job?
  • Is there a way to find out if she's interested in OP without embarrassment? -
  • Does it make sense to ask a waitress out?
  • How can OP ask her if she's married or has a boyfriend or not?
  • Can a waitress please tell me what all waitresses do to nice people?

It's okay to see a good question in there.
It's not okay to overlook the problems there are because of this.
Please wait until an OP has provided an edit to specifically state their goal and problem before picking one from between the lines and asking to reopen because 'that part is good'.
Or take it upon yourself to edit the question, if you think there's enough information in the comments proving the OP is struggling with that specific problem and the rest is just distracting fluff.

I flagged the thing for moderator attention.


It was closed as being too opinion-based.

Okay, so maybe the close-reason left some room for improvement.

One of the problems listed above can be seen as the major one, since it was asked both in title and comments confirmed OP expeced this to be answered. That was opinion based.

The other problems are more valid for this site, but all of them in one question makes it too broad --> Focus on one specific problem

Then, unclear what you're asking would have been good as well, since the original questions leave a lot to be desired with regards to details:

  • What behavior does OP label 'nice'
  • What indications are there the waitress is treating him different from others?
  • How well does OP know this waitress (since edited in a little).
  • How does an interaction with this waitress generally look like?
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  • I think one line in your comment is the beginning of a good answer to my original question. You wrote: "What indications are there the waitress is treating him different from others?" I like to change this to: If she treats you better than all the other guests then that is a good sign that you are not just a normal customer. I will add that in a comment to the original question.
    – user8838
    Nov 15 '17 at 11:49
  • Answers in comments aren't allowed on main. I've flagged it to get it removed as 'no longer needed'.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Nov 15 '17 at 12:00
  • What do you mean with "no longer needed"? The original question is on hold but you provided an answer to it. I read your answer already so I don't need it anymore. But I guess some other people would like to see that answer. So how can we show this answer if not in the comments or by reopening the question?
    – user8838
    Nov 15 '17 at 12:08
  • We don't. Comments underneath posts on main are to request clarification or suggest improvements, not for answers. And your question isn't edited so that won't be reopened anytime soon I guess...
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Nov 15 '17 at 12:19

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