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I just want to make it clear that it's not critique or a rant of some sort. I just want to understand why this question got closed because i did not find it to violate any IPS.SE rules to an extend to justify a closure.

It is about this question: Long Response Times Before Texting Back

It is about a guy getting to know a girl and writing with her. He wants to understand her behaviour why she might take so long to answer and postpones a "telephone date", both agreed upon, several times. And asks how to understand her behaviour and how she should interact with her in the future.

It was closed because it was "opinion based". Actually I've read several Q&A about that being opinion based is not always a problem in IPS.SE because sometiems its simply the core of interpersonal communication. But asking how to read and interact with another person for me is clearly IPS.

Are my expectations too high? Am I reading things wrong? Should I make a joke about the reply times in order to see what's up with her? Should I keep engaging in texting her and hoping she'll take the time to call me?

Yes the asking could have been formulated a bit clearer and better but i dont find this to be a reason for closure.

EDIT: Because of a comment i will add this to my questions:

Is having multiple questions a problem? Is IPS not experience based? Mostly people with insight on a specific matter post answers and they got this insight mostly through experience. So someone with experience to being a similar situation would be able to answer this at least partly. I was in a similar situation and i believe to be able to give advice. So why would that not work? Or is it simply site policy you cannot really argue with?

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  • There are four questions, and all of them are primarily opinion-based (the adjective primarily seems to be always left out). We can't tell OPs what they should do and guess whether their expectations are too high or they are reading things wrong. – Anne Daunted GoFundMonica Nov 21 '17 at 13:50
  • @AnneDaunted Is having multiple questions a problem? Is IPS not experience based? Mostly people with insight on a specific matter post answers and they got this insight mostly through experience. So someone with experience to being a similar situation would be able to answer this at least partly. I was in a similar situation and i believe to be able to give advice. So why would that not work? Or is it simply site policy you cannot really argue with? – MansNotHot Nov 21 '17 at 14:05
  • If you have one question, ask that question. If you have four questions, why not ask four questions? They are better to answer and more clearly arranged. For sure, in this case the questions need to be suitable for the site, which none of the four questions in this example is. – Anne Daunted GoFundMonica Nov 21 '17 at 14:09
  • @AnneDaunted Alright, i can agree with the multiple questions topic. But for the other topic. Can u explain why subjective answers are not helpful in this context in consideration of my text about experience? – MansNotHot Nov 21 '17 at 14:15
  • @CoffeineConverter primarily opinion based means you may find way X to react perfectly ok and way Y to be awfull, while someone else will have the opposite point of view. That's not subjective, that's just pushing opinion and never ends well as it usually drive in comments wall under each answer saying 'No you're wrong..' etc. – Tensibai Nov 21 '17 at 14:36
  • @Tensibai That was an understandable and relateable. Thanks! – MansNotHot Nov 21 '17 at 14:38
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Actually I've read several Q&A about that being opinion based is not always a problem in IPS.SE because sometiems its simply the core of interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal SE definitely has questions that are too opinion based. It is true that all questions here will be subjective to a certain degree. But there are 'good' and 'bad' subjective questions.


Now, let's take a look at the 'question':

  • Are my expectations too high?
  • Am I reading things wrong?
  • Should I make a joke about the reply times in order to see what's up with her?
  • Should I keep engaging in texting her and hoping she'll take the time to call me?

None of these four are a very good fit for IPS. The first 2 probably 'require extended discussion'.

The 'Should I' questions are off-topic.

Furthermore, it's not very clear to me that the OP wants an interpersonal solution to finding out the answers to this himself, by interacting with the girl. To me, it reads like they want us to judge the situation, not provide an Interpersonal Skill so he can resolve it. Such questions aren't on-topic/very useful.


Then, there's a goal lacking. There are 4 questions, but I'm not seeing a very clear goal.

If the goal is finding out if expectations are too high AND the OP wants to know how to do this through an interaction with the girl, we have an IPS question.

If the goal is finding out whether the OP is reading things wrong AND the OP wants to know how to do this through an interaction with the girl, we have an IPS question.

If the goal is to find out why the reply times are so long AND the OP wants to know how to do this through an interaction with the girl, we have an IPS question.

If the goal is to find out whether the OP has any chance left with this girl AND the OP wants to know how to do this through an interaction with the girl, we have an IPS question.

But as you can see, there are 4 initial questions and 4 possible goals. That doesn't do this question much good, how are we supposed to know which one to address? There's a reason we have a close reason for 'too broad' saying 'please limit yourself to one specific problem'.


Is having multiple questions a problem?

If you have 2 that are very, very closely related, it might not be much of a problem. But if they are a bit wider apart, such as these 4 (when rephrased to be actually about Interpersonal skills), yes, it's a problem. That's why questions get closed as too broad.

Is IPS not experience based?

Oh YES! If you can back an answer explaining why and how it worked for you, that's perfect! BUT we're not a site to share anecdotes just for the sharing of those anecdotes. The experience should back up your answer, not 'be' your answer.

I was in a similar situation and I believe to be able to give advice. So why would that not work? Or is it simply site policy you cannot really argue with?

Well, the site policy you cannot really argue with here is the fact that this question is 4 questions at once that aren't all that closely related, of which not one is really asking for an Interpersonal skill to resolve the situation, and at least 2 are opinion based because they require extended discussion and speculation from our part.

Really, if you have been in a similar situation and can back up your answer using it, that would make a great answer.

But 'great answers don't make good questions' and this question will need both input from the OP and editing before it is narrowed down enough and can be reopened.

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  • Very well written and gave me a lot of insight on "good questions"! – MansNotHot Nov 22 '17 at 7:41

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