Can the question about using the word "queer" be reopened, after a quick edit?

Question

How do I tell other gay people that they sound stupid calling themselves "queer"?

I think this is another example of the chiming in, that I mentioned here: Could we be a little better about not chiming in?

The question asker seemed to have a legitimate issue with a word being applied to him and/or people like him. I say that because I saw a comment on a previous answer before I saw the question:

Why do you use the word "queer"? – rbsdca 4 hours ago

A gay person not appreciating a queer person using the word "queer" is a somewhat different question than a straight person asking the same question.

The question is, at it's core, about someone being uncomfortable with a reclaimed term and I think it's a good question that deserves a good answer. Although toning down a little of the anger in the question may help.

What do you all think?

Answer 1

Two things:

First, I too think there could be a lot of value to this post if the question were to be rephrased to something more along the lines of

"I don't like the word queer, I don't have the same connotations with it that everyone else does. How can I explain to the people using it that I don't want to be grouped into that label with them?"

I'd vote to reopen after an edit like such, but not any sooner. Currently it's just a rant without enough info for us to edit ourselves (IMO, primarily if these people are close friends, acquaintances, or strangers, because this would change answers drastically).

Second, you redirected me here after I made a comment on the post stating that his feelings on the word "queer" aren't reflective of its true definition, and making a comparison to his views and how some individuals choose to use "gay" as a derogatory insult. Just in case it came off as hostile, I didn't mean this as "chiming in" with my distaste on his views, but simply stating a fact, as the comments are used for on any other post. OP has the right to have whatever feelings he wants towards the word, I only made that comment to iterate that his feelings aren't reflective of the word's true definition.

There might be some reflection that can be done to be more understanding of other people's feelings and word choices if the OP is given the proper knowledge/viewpoint. Maybe he has never had a discussion about queer's true definition. However, my comment is not an answer to any rephrasing of the question, thus comments.

For what it's worth I'm gay and don't really prefer the word queer either. But I don't speak up against others because it seems distasteful to tell others not to use a word just because I am stuck on, what I know to be, an improper definition of it.

Answer 2

I would be inclined to say that the question should be deleted, because salvaging it requires changing it completely. I think we're all on the same page so far, in that if they had perhaps asked the question "How can I deal with people labeling me as 'queer' without my consent?" or something to that effect, that would be something more within the scope of IPS. Perhaps give the OP the opportunity to revise their question first, but my personal opinion is that it's not a coherent enough question to be valuable in its current state.

I think the discussion that this has opened up is a valuable one that is worthy of IPS and think that the question should be preserved somehow, either by editing the original, or re-asking it. This might also remove the potential for debate around the acceptability of the word (whether to describe oneself, another individual, or a group) which isn't really inside the scope of this exchange.

This is a subject that in my experience inspires emotional debate in our community. The issue here is not whether it's okay to use it to describe yourself, or even whether it's okay for the OP to be offended by its use. The issue that (I believe) needs to be discussed is, as an individual who is not okay with it being used to describe you, what is the most socially acceptable and sensitive way to communicate that to individuals who are?

Answer 3

I say that because I saw a comment on a previous answer before I saw the question.

Good, I didn't have that info.

The question asker seemed to have a legitimate issue with a word being applied to him and/or people like him.

That's what makes this question unclear: What's the problem? Applying the word to him or people like him? Btw, I can't really see the second one, unless you mean 'people like him calling themselves queer'.

A gay person not appreciating a queer person using the word "queer" is a somewhat different question than a straight person asking the same question. An edit would be helpful to clarify that, it makes a pretty big difference.

Exactly. But what isn't in the question is whether this is about a gay person not appreciating queer people calling themselves queer, or queer people calling the OP queer because he's gay.

Personally, I think we agreed that in such cases, we wait for input from the OP before editing.

As I've said in the comments, I'd like to see:

• Some hard evidence of the meaning of queer, not just the OP's opinions on the word. As Catija commented, queer and gay are not the same thing, so why worry?
• Whether this is about other people using the word queer to describe themselves, and calling those people stupid?
• Whether the real problem is a genuine worry of being labeled queer?
• If the OP has been called queer before, as a back-up of that worry?