-12

Pickup - in the sense I am using the word here - refers to the pursuit and application of interpersonal skills with the goal of increasing the length, number, or perceived quality of one's romantic engagements.

The term has come to describe an entire subculture, consisting of somewhat technically apt or inclined men who have not naturally developed the interpersonal skills which commonly facilitate romantic contacts, and are trying to use a more declarative approach to learning these skills.

Sadly, the main means of communication in this subculture are forums - a format which is much less appropriate for problem solving than the stack exchange format. I think a stack exchange website accommodating of pickup questions would help a lot of people find good quality answers.

A couple of example pickup questions might be:

  • What are good openers when approaching mixed-gender groups in a club?
  • How can I avoid running out of things to say?
  • How early in a 1-on-1 interaction should I make my romantic intentions clear?
  • How can I bring up my romantic intent while approaching a group of 2 girls?

I have browsed the site a bit, and I notice there are to date only very few questions which as much as go in this direction. I am posting this meta-question here to know whether it would be appropriate for me to post and answer such questions here, and direct acquaintances of mine to do likewise.

||||||
  • 15
    This subculture has some very negative associations that don't play well with the "be nice" rules. Can you explain how answers to these questions from a PU perspective would be any different than generally asking questions about meeting "romantic" partners in general? Also, remember that list questions aren't welcome anywhere on SE, so your first question would be closed regardless of the subject (and similar ones have been). – Catija Jan 6 '18 at 14:17
  • I guess not, from my time here. – NVZ Jan 6 '18 at 14:22
  • 6
    Just leaving this here for the people that don't know the intricate details of pick-up subculture: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction_community. Apparently it's a whole lot different from what I thought ;) – Tinkeringbell Jan 6 '18 at 14:31
  • 6
    I really really hope this site never turns into a site for pickup artists. That said, your 2nd question would be an on-topic question (possibly) that has a simple answer: have interesting things to talk about... don't try and be a pickup artist. – Rory Alsop Jan 6 '18 at 18:41
0

To complement Tinkeringbell's answer, I think the example questions you list could be on-topic. As long as you keep in mind the basic rule that all interactions should be based on honesty and mutual respect, you should be ok.

To take some (extreme) example:

  • asking how to manipulate someone into having sex even though they do not want to would clearly violate the Be Nice policy
  • asking how to initiate a conversation if you are shy and feel lonely would not violate it (though it might be Too Broad, depending on how it is formulated)

To give some specific feedback (my opinion, no guarantees) on your proposed questions:

What are good openers when approaching mixed-gender groups in a club?

How can I avoid running out of things to say?

How can I bring up my romantic intent while approaching a group of 2 girls?

Asked like that, they are likely too broad. However, if you refocus them (for example, by describing a concrete situation and the problems you faced), they could likely be on-topic.

The first and last one ("good openers", "approaching a group of 2 girls") could also be problematic because they might indicate you are trying to intrude on the group (violating Be Nice), so they should make it clear that you are not intending to do that. Incidentally, asking how to avoid unduly intruding on others would also be a good question.

How early in a 1-on-1 interaction should I make my romantic intentions clear?

That seems a good question, though again a bit broad. With a specific situation I think it would be fine.

||||||
24

I have browsed the site a bit, and I notice there are to date only very few questions which as much as go in this direction.

We get questions asking 'is she interested in me?' or 'how do I convince her to have sex with me even if she isn't interested?'.

The first isn't answerable because we can't mind read. You can provide us with a ton of details, but they're only your side of the story, maybe even told through rose-colored glasses. Those questions usually get closed quickly.

The second would be falling into a category of deliberately violating someone's boundaries. These questions get closed as off-topic as they have nothing to do with 'interpersonal skills', which are the ability to communicate or interact well with other people.

This is also where the comment from Catija comes in:

This subculture has some very negative associations that don't play well with the "be nice" rules. Can you explain how answers to these questions from a PU perspective would be any different than generally asking questions about meeting "romantic" partners in general? Also, remember that list questions aren't welcome anywhere on SE, so your first question would be closed regardless of the subject (and similar ones have been). – Catija ♦

After reading up on what the pickup subculture is about (here, here and here) I get the impression that this subculture isn't about initiating a respectful relationship.

If you're asking here for advice on how to pick up women, have sex and use other people as a way to boost your ego and status in the subculture, you've come to the wrong place. That isn't an interpersonal skill, it isn't about interacting well.

Also, pickup skills don't show respect for everyone. Our Be Nice policy includes respecting everyone, not just users of stackexchange.

So, based on my research, I'll say that questions asked about the skills needed to succeed in the pickup subculture are not a form of interpersonal skill and off-topic here, and they're not showing respect for everyone and are thus violating Be Nice policies.

||||||
  • 9
    To put this slightly differently, questions that violate Be Nice (e.g. about achieving dishonest/disrespectful relationship goals) would presumably be disallowed simply because they violate Be Nice, whether or not you think of them as being about "interpersonal skills". – Cascabel Jan 6 '18 at 15:52
  • 1
    @Jefromi I don't see anything in the be nice policy that tells me that questions about achieving dishonest/disrespectful goals are not allowed on StackExchange... So, that's why I went with the off-topic here. Of course, if answers/questions are rudely written they get flagged as rude/abusive, but I don't think we can flag 'goals' as rude/abusive. Especially since we have to 'assume good intentions' according to that policy – Tinkeringbell Jan 6 '18 at 16:02
  • 4
    It's not as explicit as it could be, but the policy requires respect for everyone, not just site users, and it covers all posts, including questions. It doesn't pretend to spell out all the ways it's possible to be disrespectful, and it was written to use network wide, not just for IPS, so the fact that it doesn't explicitly include this specific case doesn't mean it's okay. – Cascabel Jan 6 '18 at 16:14
  • 1
    @Jefromi, absolutely true. What I was trying to say was that I couldn't find anything in the policy itself, or that meta that you just linked, which I could use to state that asking 'How can I avoid running out of things to say?' is violating be nice and not welcome on SE. That's why I put the emphasis on the 'pickup' skills not being interpersonal skills. But indeed, pickup skills are violating be nice since they don't require respect for everyone – Tinkeringbell Jan 6 '18 at 16:26
  • 4
    I think that's where the common requests for details and goals come in. The OP has to provide them for the question to answerable, right? So if they ask about when to bring up romantic intent and their goal is just to avoid awkwardness and for both people to come away happy, great - that's not a Be Nice issue and I think the question might be fine? But if they're just trying to get something for themselves regardless of what the other ultimately wants (which "pickup" implies), no good. (And with insufficient detail it just gets closed anyway.) – Cascabel Jan 6 '18 at 16:29
  • 2
    @Jefromi, I added something of the Be Nice policy to the answer, thanks for the links. – Tinkeringbell Jan 6 '18 at 16:31

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .