Would the scope of "Interpersonal Skills" include Pickup?

Question

Pickup - in the sense I am using the word here - refers to the pursuit and application of interpersonal skills with the goal of increasing the length, number, or perceived quality of one's romantic engagements.

The term has come to describe an entire subculture, consisting of somewhat technically apt or inclined men who have not naturally developed the interpersonal skills which commonly facilitate romantic contacts, and are trying to use a more declarative approach to learning these skills.

Sadly, the main means of communication in this subculture are forums - a format which is much less appropriate for problem solving than the stack exchange format. I think a stack exchange website accommodating of pickup questions would help a lot of people find good quality answers.

A couple of example pickup questions might be:

• What are good openers when approaching mixed-gender groups in a club?
• How can I avoid running out of things to say?
• How early in a 1-on-1 interaction should I make my romantic intentions clear?
• How can I bring up my romantic intent while approaching a group of 2 girls?

I have browsed the site a bit, and I notice there are to date only very few questions which as much as go in this direction. I am posting this meta-question here to know whether it would be appropriate for me to post and answer such questions here, and direct acquaintances of mine to do likewise.

Answer 1

To complement Tinkeringbell's answer, I think the example questions you list could be on-topic. As long as you keep in mind the basic rule that all interactions should be based on honesty and mutual respect, you should be ok.

To take some (extreme) example:

• asking how to manipulate someone into having sex even though they do not want to would clearly violate the Be Nice policy
• asking how to initiate a conversation if you are shy and feel lonely would not violate it (though it might be Too Broad, depending on how it is formulated)

To give some specific feedback (my opinion, no guarantees) on your proposed questions:

What are good openers when approaching mixed-gender groups in a club?

How can I avoid running out of things to say?

How can I bring up my romantic intent while approaching a group of 2 girls?

Asked like that, they are likely too broad. However, if you refocus them (for example, by describing a concrete situation and the problems you faced), they could likely be on-topic.

The first and last one ("good openers", "approaching a group of 2 girls") could also be problematic because they might indicate you are trying to intrude on the group (violating Be Nice), so they should make it clear that you are not intending to do that. Incidentally, asking how to avoid unduly intruding on others would also be a good question.

How early in a 1-on-1 interaction should I make my romantic intentions clear?

That seems a good question, though again a bit broad. With a specific situation I think it would be fine.

Answer 2

I have browsed the site a bit, and I notice there are to date only very few questions which as much as go in this direction.

We get questions asking 'is she interested in me?' or 'how do I convince her to have sex with me even if she isn't interested?'.

The first isn't answerable because we can't mind read. You can provide us with a ton of details, but they're only your side of the story, maybe even told through rose-colored glasses. Those questions usually get closed quickly.

The second would be falling into a category of deliberately violating someone's boundaries. These questions get closed as off-topic as they have nothing to do with 'interpersonal skills', which are the ability to communicate or interact well with other people.

This is also where the comment from Catija comes in:

This subculture has some very negative associations that don't play well with the "be nice" rules. Can you explain how answers to these questions from a PU perspective would be any different than generally asking questions about meeting "romantic" partners in general? Also, remember that list questions aren't welcome anywhere on SE, so your first question would be closed regardless of the subject (and similar ones have been). – Catija ♦

After reading up on what the pickup subculture is about (here, here and here) I get the impression that this subculture isn't about initiating a respectful relationship.

If you're asking here for advice on how to pick up women, have sex and use other people as a way to boost your ego and status in the subculture, you've come to the wrong place. That isn't an interpersonal skill, it isn't about interacting well.

Also, pickup skills don't show respect for everyone. Our Be Nice policy includes respecting everyone, not just users of stackexchange.

So, based on my research, I'll say that questions asked about the skills needed to succeed in the pickup subculture are not a form of interpersonal skill and off-topic here, and they're not showing respect for everyone and are thus violating Be Nice policies.