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I asked a question about a chronically late friend that got a whole heck of a lot more replies than I expected. While some of these answers have actually taken my specific request about not fixing her lateness, just getting a better estimate out of her to heart, I also have a whole lot of answers trying to justify, fix, or work around the lateness rather than addressing my need to just have a conversation with her about how we would appreciate better time estimates.

Over on rpgSE we'd consider this a frame challenge, and it's pretty frowned upon unless you state at the beginning of your answer that your intent is to challenge the frame of the question and address what you think is the root issue.

To me, a lot of the answers I have gotten are insensitive to the fact that we're not interested in fixing her lateness. In fact, the top voted answer right now has a comment specifically addressing this;

You might want to make this more appropriate to OP by making it explicit that if you actually do hear from her while you're waiting those 10 minutes (or better yet, before), and she finally comes clean about it, to reward that behavior by waiting the extra time (and forwarding the message on to others). Your answer is good, but the part OP is asking for (Not to make her on time, just to get her to let others know she's late and by how much) was not the clearest in the answer. [Source] (bolding mine)

Is this just a cultural difference between rpgSE and ipsSE, or should I be doing something to focus the answers towards the type of solution I want? If the consensus is to just choose the answer I think was the best and move on, so be it. I'm just not sure if I have a responsibility here to undertake some kind of cleanup.

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    I'm just not sure if I have a responsibility here to undertake some kind of cleanup. > Every community member has that responsibility, in fact, I'd call it your duty! No one better to watch/moderate your questions than you. @apaul has given you some good pointers on what to do ;-).
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Feb 8 '18 at 12:55
  • Not an answer but: it may really help if you explain why you would prefer your friend to still be late but fix their time estimates instead of having them be on time. People should probably know why (when you make things awkward anyway by bringing the lateness up) you prefer the workaround to what many would see as the natural solution.
    – AllTheKingsHorses
    Feb 11 '18 at 10:01
  • The top answer itself (and its purpose in this context) in the frame challenge meta thread is questionable, as the examples given don't provide a consistent definition of the term and the answer itself challenges your "pretty frowned upon" view, as there are cases where, to varying degrees, overriding the OP's wishes is indeed the correct choice. Whether doing so is the correct approach is up to the community to judge, hence the rating system, and as you've already found, it's clear that most people (81 vs 41, so it's not a reputation issue) disagree with you about your friend's behavior.
    – user7334
    Feb 15 '18 at 9:22
  • There is a real argument to be made that fixing the tardiness issue will go a long way towards your addressing your estimate issue. I think you know this and that is why you included the tardiness in the question, in the first place.
    – BACKPFEIFENGESICHT
    Feb 17 '18 at 16:38
  • Possible duplicate of To what extent do we respect the OP's request?
    – BACKPFEIFENGESICHT
    Feb 17 '18 at 16:41
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Like anywhere else on the network vote, flag, and comment where you feel appropriate.

If you feel that the answer doesn't answer the question feel free to downvote and/or flag as not an answer or very low quality. This sends a much stronger message than most any other action you can take.

IPS does tend to leave a little more room for frame challenges than some other network sites, but answers should still be answers, and they should still meet the usual quality standards. Given that interpersonal skills are a very subjective thing, closing the door on frame challenges will leave an awful lot of questions unanswered or answered poorly.

We routinely get questions from people asking how to do some awful thing or another, and we kinda need the ability to challenge the premise and simply tell them not to do the awful.

Unfortunately there are users who misuse that room to challenge the premise of most any question and suggest that people should do the awful. Downvotes, flags, and so on seem to keep a lot of that noise in check and eventually some of these misguided users find themselves hitting post bans. This is the system working as designed.

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    "We routinely get questions from people asking how to do some awful thing or another, and we kinda need the ability to challenge the premise and simply tell them not to do the awful." __ such a great observation @apaul, remember DNA test, the sister-in-law and dad's friend!
    – English Student
    Feb 7 '18 at 18:38
  • First answer I posted on the site was a frame challenge and got challenged immediately ;-)
    – user10085
    Feb 19 '18 at 14:49

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