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Catija deleted my answer (deleted, viewable by 2,000+ rep users only) to this question.

Dad wants me to invite his mother to my wedding. How to push it back?

My answer started with: "Cancel the party, keep the money, and make a holiday on an island far away with no phones and no internet."

Catija wrote: Edgar, we expect answers to explain why they are a good solution and why they meet the needs of the OP. Even if you think it's patently obvious. I'm deleting this until you do so.

I edited the answer more than 24 hours ago and I added an explanation but the answer was not undeleted and I can't even vote to undelete it. I wonder why did Catija not just ask me to add an explanation. I would have done that.

I added an explanation. What can I do to activate this answer again? Or should I publish the same answer again?

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    Downvoters, this is not a feature request. Voting down on this, to me, makes no sense. – NVZ Mar 3 '18 at 13:19
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    Downvoting on meta means "This question does not show any research effort, it is unclear or not useful" – Rory Alsop Mar 3 '18 at 14:43
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Generally, if your answer was deleted by a moderator and you believe that the problem is now resolved, you should flag your answer, explaining the situation and pointing out that you think you've resolved the issue.

This is also noted on the FAQ on Meta Stack Exchange about deletion:

Normally, if your deleted post is not self-deleted, you can't undelete it yourself (though you may be able to vote to undelete). An exception is if an answer is deleted from Low Quality review queue by "Recommend Deletion" reviews, without three trusted users voting to delete, then it can be undeleted by the author.

If your post was deleted by trusted users, it will require three undelete votes to be undeleted - politely asking for this on the per-site meta may attract the necessary votes if you make a good case for why the question should be restored.

If your post was deleted by a moderator, you can flag one of your other posts1 and write a note in the "other" section explaining the situation and requesting undeletion.

1 I'm unsure why the FAQ suggests flagging another post—I'd ignore that bit and flag the answer that you want to be undeleted with an 'in need of moderator intervention' (other) flag.


A moderator should then review your answer and decide whether to undelete it. The reason that nothing's happened yet isn't out of malice—it's simply that there's no notification to the moderators if you update your deleted answer, unless you flag (or indeed leave a meta post).

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Don't repost existing answers. Especially don't repost an answer to circumvent a deletion.

Since you've already edited your post, what you need to do now, is draw attention to the answer, like you've done with this post. Normally users with over 4k rep can vote to undelete a post but since this post was deleted by moderator action only a mod can undelete it.

The best way to get a moderator's attention is to flag the post as in need of moderator intervention, and explain why you think your post should be undeleted.


Personally I don't think your post addresses the OP's concerns. Your solution seems very drastic and doesn't address the social repercussions of canceling the wedding on the rest of their invited guests.

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Here was the original answer (original emphasis kept):

Cancel the party, keep the money, and make a holiday on an island far away with no phones and no internet.

They will get over it - eventually.

Here's the answer as it currently stands (version 2):

Cancel the party, keep the money, and make a holiday on an island far away with no phones and no internet.

They will get over it - eventually.

Why? Doing this mean no headache with any relatives anymore. All the pushing relatives will learn that the new couple is in charge of their wedding and their life.

If the OP continues and does what they want then I guess this will go on also after this wedding. If he doesn't do what they want now, in a radical way, then they will definitely learn from that. And I guess the OP will feel good for taking control of his own life - finally.

Now, you kinda added a bit of justification in that edit, but that doesn't help for a couple of reasons:

  • First, "cancel the party" is not an interpersonal solution. It's basically the same as "end the relationship" or "quit your job" - neither of which are usually acceptable here.
  • You could claim that it's a frame challenge. That's fine. However, you'd have to explain why the OP's apparent choice of action (talking to their father) is a bad idea and why this solution is the very best one remaining. But again, you should still propose an interpersonal solution in a frame challenge . . . and you didn't.

I'm not inclined to undelete the answer in its current state. I don't foresee it moving into territory where it answers the question (thing 1) with a valid interpersonal solution (thing 2) that attempts to comply with the OP's chosen general course of action (thing 3).

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    "You Cannot Not Communicate" - Paul Watzlawick If the OP cancels the party he communicates with the people who want to force him to do what they want. It is a drastic form of communication but it is one. I presented this answer as a solution and not "the very best one remaining". I don't think there is a requirement that it must be the best answer. And within the short time my answer was shown I received already 2 up-votes so it seems others agree with me. – user8838 Mar 3 '18 at 23:53
  • @Edgar That's . . . an extremely loose interpretation of "communication", and still involves virtually no interpersonal interaction. And again, the answer does a poor job of defending itself as a frame challenge. A dozen or so other people gave actual interpersonal solutions to the problem; you're implicitly claiming that those are invalid. – HDE 226868 Mar 4 '18 at 0:18
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    Thanks for your reply. If you don't know Paul Watzlawick I suggest you look him up. He is a famous communication specialist. As far as I understand this site people give possible answers. It is not required to give the best and only answer. I don't say the other answers (most of them posted after I posted my answer) are wrong. Many are different. My answer is one possible solution - I don't claim it's the only possible solution. I find it difficult to understand why you don't allow it. If users don't like it they can down-vote it and that's it. Give the community a chance to vote up to down. – user8838 Mar 4 '18 at 0:35

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