The community seems to have come to a consensus that "what should I do" questions are not a good fit here (rightly, I think). A common work-around for these questions is to change should I do X into how do I do X. Unfortunately, X does not always seem like a wise action for the OP's underlying goals, so we have then essentially created an XY problem and may end up with a bunch of frame challenge answers.
A current question that fits this pattern is Dreamt of another girl, want to tell my girlfriend, but how without getting smited? In its first incarnation, it asked
Basically i want to be transparent with Alice, but i'm abit torn about two things:
- Should i actually tell her about this dream i had?
- If i do tell her, is there any particular things i should do or phrase which will not bring her deeper in insecurity or cause her to mistrust me?
It was closed, revised, and reopened so that the core question now reads
Basically I want to be transparent with Alice.
How can I tell her so that I don't set off her insecurities, or cause her to mistrust me?
The result is that the majority of the answers, including all three of the (currently) top-voted ones, are either flat-out frame challenges focused on why the OP should not tell Alice about the dream, or else something along the lines of "here's how you maybe kind of could approach this, but you really shouldn't." In other words, they're primarily answering the OP's original, deprecated "should I" question, but now with the tone of correcting a misapprehension. This outcome seems perverse.
I have an idea about an alternate approach to some of these, which I'll post as an answer for separate voting, but I'm also (mainly) interested in hearing whether other folks see this as a problem and, if so, what we could potentially do to fix it.