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I have another answer that was wrongly deleted with no explanation or opportunity to address.

How to finish a date gracefully?

I want to now exactly what wrong with this Answer and why it was deleted.

I would also like the baseless accusation in the comments addressed.

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  1. As @tinkeringbell commented below your answer (and UV by 5 persons):

I think what this answer seems to be lacking is an explanation of why this will end the date both graceful and without hurting feelings. You're dealing with someone that doesn't know how to do so, try to provide them with the skill to recognise what is graceful and what not, instead of just giving them a script to follow

  1. As OP said:

What's the most graceful way to finish a date without hurting his feelings? (emphasis mine)

  1. Then, You write:
  1. You can end the date gracefully by eliminating as much stress on you as possible.
  2. I wouldn't worry too much about their feelings

Well... I didn't DV, but VTC as I think that, reading comments, you had a chance to improve your answer. You can disagree, but explain why, and why your solution is better for OP. As it stands, it doesn't address OP feelings and needs. Which is the core of our system here.

You can write a frame-challenge. But justify it. You can challenge OP and provide her with another way out. But please remember that, in order to help others, we need to show them the right tool (skill) and the right way to use it. Otherwise, it just looks like a try this answer...

It's not about being right or wrong in the answer (votes and ticks will tell), it's about respecting the needs of OP, answering the question, explaining WHY you think this is the good solution, and WHY it should work (based upon own/known experience, books, data...), and back-up the answer.

Finally, what is a good short-way to go straight to the point (IMO) is @Erik's comment:

"I have this other emergency, sorry" followed by never contacting the person again is probably the least graceful way you can end a date. – Erik - (emphasis mine)

  • Thanks. Don't know weather to keep arguing this with those people who don't read the Question or Answers or just save this as a great example of bias, inconsistent and capricious treatment. I find the 'feeling's aspect particular comical since my last wrongly deleted Answer specifically took this into account and it was delete because of that it seems. Very sad. – Johns-305 Dec 11 '18 at 14:11
  • just save this as a great example of bias, inconsistent and capricious treatment -> well, FWIW, it was my first intervention concerning one of your post, so I wouldn't say "inconsistent and capricious" in my case :) but you may feel treated like that I guess... 1/2 – OldPadawan Dec 11 '18 at 14:18
  • Inconsistent in that my Answer are not outliers compared to other Answers. Capricious in that opptys for edits were not given. – Johns-305 Dec 11 '18 at 14:22
  • ...and the community has sometimes some difficult times keeping on the right track, because we don't always agree. We discuss, argue, go one way or the other, try, fail, try again. But we keep trying to find the best way to write Q and A, and help people. Are we always good and fair? geeez... no... but we keep on working to improve. 2/2 – OldPadawan Dec 11 '18 at 14:23
  • "because we don't always agree" - Winner, winner! If legit Answers are being deleted just because Mods don't agree with the, this isn't a Q&A site, it's a Q and Moderator Opinion site. This will probably be the basis of my escalation since no one has been able to point to a single rule or standards problem. – Johns-305 Dec 11 '18 at 14:31
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    Mods have nothing to do with that, really :) but to talk about this: no one has been able to point to a single rule or standards problem -> Tinkeringbell commented. Erik commented. 3 users voted to delete (none of the cited above). And now, I try to show you what I think was wrong. Please search through meta too. When I say that we don't always agree, it's like talking about taxes. I'm not for paying all taxes. But I do, because it's the law in my country. I follow the law, and I vote to (dis)agree. We do the same here ;) – OldPadawan Dec 11 '18 at 14:39
  • Tinkeringbell has never referred to a rule, and, well, they're just wrong. I clearly state why. I even edited to highlight this. If you're trying to exempt the Mods, do the right thing, restore the Answer. – Johns-305 Dec 11 '18 at 14:43
  • And BTW, some quick after the fact searching shows the rest of the world agrees with me. ;) – Johns-305 Dec 11 '18 at 14:47
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    @Johns-305 : one last try though... It's not about being right or wrong in the answer (votes and ticks will tell), it's about respecting the needs of OP, answering the question, explaining WHY you think this is the good solution, and WHY it should work (based upon own/known experience, books, data...), and back-up the answer. If you edit your answer, I can be re-opened, and I'll be glad to vote, but not as it stands, I can't... – OldPadawan Dec 11 '18 at 15:19
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As Tinkeringbell said in their comment.

I think what this answer seems to be lacking is an explanation of why this will end the date both graceful and without hurting feelings.

On this site we have an expectation that answers be more substantive than just saying "Try this". In practice this is most commonly done by providing examples from personal experience, explaining your reasoning for why you are suggesting a particular course of action or by citing an external source.

In your answer you make a lot of statements about what the OP should do but you don't provide any supporting arguments saying why these suggestions would be a good idea.

You also don't do a good job of addressing the core of the OP's question.

What's the most graceful way to finish a date without hurting his feelings?

If an answer doesn't address the OP's concerns then it is failing to be an answer and should be deleted. While we do allow frame challenges, answers that challenge the premise of the question, we hold them to a higher standard than regular answers. In addition to requiring that an answer have some supporting arguments explaining the why of the chosen course of action, frame challenges are required to explain why there is a better course of action.

In your answer you make a bunch of suggestions about what the OP should do. If you edited your answer to include an explanation for why the OP should do these things I'm pretty sure your post would get undeleted in short order.


TLDR

  • Answers must answer the OP's question. They aren't intended to be a soapbox.
  • Answers of the form "Do X" are likely to be deleted. Try to structure your answer in the form of "Do X. Here's why".
  • If you do decide to challenge the premise of the question, don't answer "Don't do X. Do Y instead." Instead provide more explanation in the form of "Don't do X. These are the problems with doing X. Do Y instead. Here's why Y is a superior approach".

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