26

I rolled back the edit and locked the answer to give us a chance to talk about it here. To be clear, the bit in contention is not an apology despite the words "I'd like to apologise". Instead, that's meta commentary on the other answers and answerers. So I kinda have a hard time with the premise of this meta question. If you have a problem with other ...


18

I don't particularly like answers that say "There's no interpersonal solution here." Two points spring to mind: It's very, very hard to show that there's no interpersonal solution to an interpersonal problem. It's very, very easy to claim that there isn't and then write a non-IPS answer. Problems arise when people think "Hm, I can't come up with a good ...


17

It's deleted. It fails to meet any "Be Nice" standards. It fails to show respect for a person. Period. To make matters worse, that person is one who the OP has been dating for an extended period of time and likely has strong feelings for. So, in addition to failing to respect an unknown person, the user who wrote that answer has failed to respect the ...


17

The apology isn't the problem it's the remarks about other reactions to the question that lead to it getting removed. On it's own an apology in an answer is rather innocuous. It's just extra noise in the post that can easily be ignored, but expresses sympathy for the OP. Your apology was more than just apology though it was a jab at other people's ...


15

First off, I'd like to apologise for the onslaught of crap responses you've already received and those that'll likely be rolling in over the next few days. It's an unfortunate reality of talking about these things online and unfortunately IPS is no exception. That right here is incredibly patronizing and unnecessary. An apology itself isn't ...


15

Your answer fails the most important test: Answers must answer the question What's the question: Title: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? How do I get them to trust my abilities despite my age? Your answer is: I'd recommend showing that you are qualified to moderate through your ...


14

If there is a single troublesome word that is the penultimate word in the entire post, it is very easy to miss. I'm sorry. I missed it. Bad mod! I'd like to use this opportunity, however, to point out something that I find troublesome as a moderator. You all have edit rights. I've deleted the word from the answer but you (or any number of other users) could ...


13

I'm the moderator who deleted your answer. Let me first include the original form, in its entirety: He's not going to stop liking it, and refusing to do it inside a marriage is selfish - marriage is about making the other person happy. I'm sure you can think of things that he does for you that he'd rather not do. You not desiring it is NOT selfish, though. ...


13

Here is the text of the answer, verbatim: On Slack, you can copy the URL of an earlier message and paste it into the chat, and Slack will quote the earlier message along with a timestamp. This is the approach I take if asked a question I have already replied to. Instead of replying again, I just paste the link to the earlier message in, which makes it clear ...


10

I wasn't involved, but I would have flagged it for deletion if I'd seen it. First off, you answered an off-topic question. Note that the other answer there responds to an on-topic IPS question, apparently based on comments; that's not ideal either, as the question hasn't actually been edited to ask that, but it at least tackles an IPS issue. Your answer ...


8

I'll try one last time. Saying 'the skill you're looking for is X and here's a list of stuff to do' isn't an answer. You're making grocery shopping lists, and writing down recipes. 'You need a mixer. Add eggs, flour, milk, mix'. From Good Subjective, Bad Subjective: Sharing an experience takes at least one paragraph; ideally several paragraphs. If I’m ...


7

As one of those who originally voted to close it, I'm ready to receive a public beating, but please hear me out first. Flater wrote a comment, that covers it excellently and is worth being presevered here: I would argue that this is not a matter of interpersonal skill. Workplace rules are in place regardless of how you feel about them. Your supervisor's ...


7

I see a mod simply deleted the answer. I'm the one that deleted that answer, after it was again flagged for being not in line with what makes a good subjective answer. As it was already flagged before, it wouldn't have ended up in the review queues for the community to take care of, so I took care of the flag. I'd like to point out that I never 'simply' ...


7

Wasn't my first section a frame challenge? If it was why wasn't it received more negatively? Was there something about the way I approached the answer that made it acceptable? Indeed your answer is a frame challenge, but it fulfills what we expect from a frame-challenge answer. The meta post you linked mentions following points a frame-challenge answer must ...


6

The author definitely has an element of creative freedom to express his opinions and he is somewhat famous for creating contentious posts here. Some of his answers are very good as well, but this answer carries a very negative tone in its approach to the woman in question. What is really "not nice", however, is that the community seemed not to mind, ...


6

Generally, if your answer was deleted by a moderator and you believe that the problem is now resolved, you should flag your answer, explaining the situation and pointing out that you think you've resolved the issue. This is also noted on the FAQ on Meta Stack Exchange about deletion: Normally, if your deleted post is not self-deleted, you can't undelete it ...


6

I was the moderator who deleted the answer; I should explain my reasoning. The question comes from someone interested in cross-dressing who's asking about deflecting awkward questions he receives while making purchases (e.g. "Who are you buying these for?"). Your answer was How do I deflect such questions politely and without public ...


5

The reason why it was deleted is indeed only because it did not address the question, and since you edited your answer to provide exactly what was missing, I think your answer is now almost perfectly fine and should be undeleted. I said almost perfectly fine because there is no explanation why OP should do what you suggest. Why do you think this is a good ...


5

As you are well aware, this site currently has a problem with people attacking other people based upon their differences of perspective. Very recently, I commented in support of a meta answer you posted calling out a major aspect of this problem. The problem largely revolves around people feeling that a different perspective to their own is offensive, ...


5

It seems this answer broadly follows the template pattern for a good frame challenge: The explanation: Why the author disagrees with the decision to tell the friend they may be on the spectrum An alternate frame: address "the person and their symptoms...instead of the diagnosis" Explain how the new frame helps solve the OP's problem: discussing how the ...


5

As mentioned, your answer was a well intended answer and potentially a very helpful response, but it wasn't really an interpersonal answer. I've hit this issue and had a few of my own answers removed for this reason, it's always frustrating, but occasionally it's the right thing to do for the sake of the site. Individually these answers don't seem to cause ...


5

This answer is close! It really just needs a makeover of one of its paragraphs to be well over the line. My issue with the answer is this paragraph right here: There's no need to say that you prefer your painting style, or that you don't like the way he paints, or anything else. Why? Why not explain what you actually think? Why do it this way, like it's ...


4

It was deleted by three votes from the community. This MSE post explains how comments on deleted posts work, so you probably had a mismatch because there were no mod comments on your answer. For whatever reason StackExchange just doesn't notify you when your posts are deleted. (There have been multiple feature requests to this end over on MSE but it's still ...


4

The answer from anongoodnurse there is basically the same, and has one other very important point: To address the group and not the individual. I re-read my answer and came to the conclusion it was bad advice, especially when compared to that... I didn't want to leave it around for another person to stumble upon, try and fail horribly. I deleted it because ...


4

I will attempt to answer based on a third party observer perspective. I did not answer, comment or vote on the original question, and only viewed it to get a better idea of the basis and context for your current question. I think a key point to consider before diving into the specific question you reference is the purpose of this site and the kinds of ...


4

It's worth remembering, you can downvote - which encourages the user to self delete, and comment (politely!) to let him know that the language is unacceptable. A good chunk of moderation, as it should work here is meta moderation. We use meta as a body of community decisions, but actually voting down, and engaging other users is just as important. ...


4

Here was the original answer (original emphasis kept): Cancel the party, keep the money, and make a holiday on an island far away with no phones and no internet. They will get over it - eventually. Here's the answer as it currently stands (version 2): Cancel the party, keep the money, and make a holiday on an island far away with no phones and no internet....


4

Don't repost existing answers. Especially don't repost an answer to circumvent a deletion. Since you've already edited your post, what you need to do now, is draw attention to the answer, like you've done with this post. Normally users with over 4k rep can vote to undelete a post but since this post was deleted by moderator action only a mod can undelete ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible