Can we prohibit the use of the words "homophobic" and "transphobic"?

Question

Just as we expect our members to not suggest someone has a mental disorder for merely believing LGBT issues are not a lifestyle choice (innate), it's also expected that we not suggest members have a mental disorder for believing it is a lifestyle choice (not innate).

The misuse (pejorative) use of the terms homophobic, transphobic, and the like should be flagged as rude. Suggesting someone that disagrees with your worldview has a serious mental condition is not constructive and is quite hypocritical, not to mention mostly inaccurate.

Let's all "Be Nice" and not assume malice, ignorance, or education level when discussing these issues with someone of the opposite viewpoint.

Premise for this question: For those not familiar with postfixes, a -phobia is: a combining form meaning “fear,” occurring in loanwords from Greek (hydrophobia); on this model, used in the names of mental disorders that have the general sense “dread of, aversion toward” that specified by the initial element. The core being: "...used in the names of mental disorders...that specified by the initial element." Plainly explained, any word of the form X-phobia, X being homo(sexual) in this case.

Analogy: We (SE) don't allow use of the medical term "retarded" as a descriptor (in all but extenuating circumstances), even though most people when misusing it meant "stupid." This widespread misuse of the term did not change its actual meaning. Replace homophobic with retarded in the cited thread and see how appalled this makes you.

Example: This question and some answers Throughout this question and answers, there are numerous usages of the term homophobic where it is used to describe someone that has the opposite viewpoint of the person, not apparently legitimate cases of a phobia. These are pejorative uses.

Sidenote: This meta question is essentially the same as this other one, but applied to a specific scenario. It's a bit strange the vote difference when it comes time to applying that principle.

Answer 1

Homophobia and transphobia do not refer to mental disorders. They refer to negative attitudes anywhere from aversion to fear to dislike, and behavior that demonstrates these attitudes. They also do not assume any particular cause for these attitudes or behaviors; it could be completely unintentional unknowing ignorance, it could be a strongly held personal belief, it could be many things.

So there may well be nicer and more precise ways to make a point, depending on the exact situation. But these words are not fundamentally hostile, and should not be universally flagged.

Please keep in mind that the Be Nice policy does cover everyone including LGBT people, and to use your example, suggesting that being some particular flavor of LGBT is a lifestyle choice is something that is very likely to make LGBT people feel alienated. So while there are indeed many people who believe that, it's not something they should be saying here, and they should not generally expect to convey that belief and be immune from being reminded it's unkind to LGBT people.

Answer 2

Should we not call someone who rapes a rapist, because it's "not nice"? Wowie.

Homophobic/transphobic are descriptor words for the actions someone chooses to take and exude upon other people and should not be flagged as violating the "Be nice" policy unless directly harassing another member of the site (which you have not included examples for, so I'm assuming you just mean any reference to such language should be removed from the site). We would only be invalidating the victim of these oppressive occurrences by censoring language to accurately describe an oppressor.

If an OP calls someone "homophobic" for belittling them for their personal life, maybe the real person in violation of "being nice" is the person exuding their negative attitude onto them in the first place.

"An opinion is whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. When we invalidate someone’s gender, mistreat same-sex couples or fight against inclusive policies, that’s oppression. Big difference." - source

Addendum, now that it's actually clear what your question/problem is: It seems your underlying issue is with grammar and has nothing to do with this site. You are heavily focusing on what "phobia" means without allowing room for the true definition/context of "homophobia".

Homophobia definition:

"dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people."

We are not here to parse apart language and debate whether the composition of any word should be changed to better fit it's definition in the English language (or vice versa). You can choose to reject the true definition of this word based on the definition of its suffix if you so choose, but asking everyone else to do so is quite frankly an overzealous notion that is belittling to the people who value this word for it's ability to speak to the injustice against them.

So again... No thanks.

Answer 3

First of all, homophobia/transphobia etc. aren't mental illnesses - this isn't using -phobia in it's strictest sense of irrational uncontrollable fear. (This is why some groups suggest using -misia as a suffix (homomisia, transmisia, etc) to indicate hate rather than fear, although that's got it's own detractors as well, because language is tricky and messy). So people aren't making that sort of judgement, they're instead calling out people for their hateful behaviour.

Basically, going "you're wrong, change yourself to match my worldview" is...less than stellar. There's a lot of places who are outlawing things like conversion therapy and the like because we're figuring out that it doesn't work, it causes more harm than good, and it's just....not helpful.

Setting aside the argument of who is actually correct here (because that's orthogonal, I think, to what you're actually asking) - I don't think this is really a case where we can go "oh hey yes, let's have both sides have a say here", because in this case, the other side is actively harmful to the LGBTQIA folk here.

Yes, I understand that being called out for this sort of thing with that language can hurt, but at the same time, if they're not constructively answering the questions as asked, that's harmful too.

We shouldn't be judging the characteristics of the people making the post, that's not what we're here to do - we are here to provide interpersonal skills help, not judgement. Yes, that does go for both sides, but if someone's actively harming someone else with their language choice, that does need to be called out and addressed. We're not here for that.

Answer 4

The way you are defining homophobia for this question isn't a common usage of the word. Neither Merriam Webster or the Oxford Dictionary define homophobia this way. There is no indication that anyone on this site with the exception of you is using it in this fashion. If you are going to complain about the usage of a word, making up your own definition based on a literal interpretation of the root words, and attempting to claim that other people are using it this way, is incredibly disingenuous.

To the best of my knowledge homophobia has never been used to refer to a mental health disorder. It certainly hasn't been documented in any version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychological Association (unlike homosexuality). It's original usage was in an adult magazine.

Many words have differing meanings than their root words. A starfish is neither a ball of gas so massive that hydrogen starts fusing together, or a gill-bearing aquatic vertebrate lacking limbs or digits. To claim that a starfish is either of those things because those are its root words is absurd.

Even in the sciences, and medicine the suffix -phobic doesn't always refer to a pathological fear of something. In chemistry hydrophobic surfaces are those that repel water. While in medicine hydrophobia is an archaic word for rabies.

Answer 5

You're making an assumption that you've already been told is false.

If someone says that their coworker/friend/family etc is homophobic, we are to take that as a premise of fact.

You seem to be assuming that the "homophobe" in question is simply "in disagreement with a worldview".

I'm going to ignore the validity of such a concept, because it's not important.

What's important is that the word "homophobic" means that the person has demonstrated that their behavior is much more hurtful.

If the OP says they talk to a homophobic person, it should be taken at face-value, meaning that the other person is being hurtfully discriminant towards people who are homosexual.

If I tell you that I work with racist, and give you no other information, you are to assume that the person has said or done racist things more than once. You don't get say "well maybe his actions don't label him a racist", because you have no information to make that claim. I told you he was a racist, so therefore you should already be under the assumption that his actions do label him a racist.

Answer 6

Just as we expect our members to not suggest someone has a mental disorder for merely believing LGBT issues are not a lifestyle choice (innate), it's also expected that we not suggest members have a mental disorder for believing it is a lifestyle choice (not innate).

Some people believe the Earth is flat. Some people believe that the moon landing was faked. Some people believe that Elivis is still alive and well... And some people believe that sexuality is a "lifestyle choice"

The thing is... Science tells us otherwise.

Saying that these positions are equally valid, because folks believe certain things, is a great example of false equivalence

Not long ago, I argued with my shrink about the term "homophobic" because in my experience it usually presents as disgust and hate, rather than fear. She took the time to walk me through it, and she started by asking where that hate and disgust likely came from. The classic explanation is that the hate/disgust is rooted in fear about one's own sexuality. But there's more to it than that. Fear causes people to behave strangely.

Some people who are arachnaphobic will shriek and run from spiders, while some others will go out of their way to exterminate spiders. Are these people afraid that they are, deep down, spiders themselves? Most likely not. Are they afraid of being bitten by spiders? Some likely are. Are these people who are terrified of being bitten aware that the vast majority of spiders are harmless, and that some aren't even capable of biting humans? If they're being honest, probably.

That's the thing... Most people with a phobia at some level realize that it's an irattional fear. If you start pulling at threads some don't even know why they're afraid. While some others will cling to "rational" reasons trying to justify their irrational fear.

Homophobic people tend to have loads of rationalizations about why LGBT+ people are bad. Many cultures have deliberately provided and supported these rationalizations.

But much like the fear of spiders, science has been pulling at those threads for a while. Psychiatrists and doctors and anthropologists have pretty well concluded that these fears are irrational... Yet some people still cling to their rationalizations.

Homosexuality isn't contagious. Homosexuals have been shown to be every bit as productive, intelligent, and capable as their hetero conterparts. There isn't any credible evidence that they're more prone to crime, that they're any less capable of raising healthy, well adjusted children, or that they have a negative impact on society. Yet people still cling to those rationalizations... These are some of the more common fears that people bring up when the threads get pulled, when they're asked for the reasons for their disgust and hatred.

This leads me to conclude that homophobia is an irrational fear. Once you start to look benieath the hate and disgust, you find fear. Once you start to look benieath the fear, there's not really a rational explanation, hence an irrational fear.

If it wasn't obvious already... The terms homophobia and transphobia are accurate, their meanings are commonly understood and consistently defined in every dictionary I've seen. These terms should not be banned, edited out, or flagged as rude or abusive.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homophobia

Definition of homophobia : irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/homophobia

homophobia NOUN Dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people.

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If you'd prefer a more interpersonal answer, take a moment to remember why these words exist...

While I'm sure it's unpleasant to be accused of homophobic or transphobic ideas or behavior, it's arguably much more unpleasant to be on the receiving end of those ideas and those behaviors. Most LGBT+ folks can relate some pretty horrifying stories about how it has touched their lives.

My best friend's partner lost his little sister in The Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, FL. When I think about homophobia, I remember that day. I remember my community collectively weeping.

I also remember going to a candlelight vigil a few days later, in a smaller central Florida city. LGBT+ folks, allies, friends, and family from all over the state had gathered to mourn in a local park. On the way into the park and on the way out of the park we had to walk past a line of Sheriff's deputies who were supposed to be there to "protect" the gathering, but could be heard cracking jokes and sneering at us.

I remember going on my first date with a non-cis person and seeing the other bar patrons recoil at the sight of us. I remember the bartender pointing me out and calling me a "faggot" the next time I went to play darts there on my own.

I remember my partner sobbing when their mother didn't want them to attend the family Christmas party.

I remember walking down the sidewalk holding hands with my partner and having someone throw a glass bottle at us from a speeding car.

I remember all the fights and taunting in parking lots after school.

I remember my good friend, that had the courage to come out back then, having the word "fag" painted on his car, by a co-worker, and him being told to "keep quiet, or look for a new job"

You probably don't want to be associated with something that causes so much pain in the world. But neither do I. Neither do we. It isn't just a difference of opinion, this really affects our lives. So, admittedly it's hard not to take offence when someone wants to make a semantic argument and, more or less, compare being called homophobic or transphobic to the experience of having to live under the weight of those things.

If you don't like the implications of being -phobic, try to understand. Try to empathize. Try not to make people feel awful for simply being who they are and loving who they love... Or, failing that, just try to coexist and leave us in peace.