Can Etiquette Questions Be Answered Consistently with Stack Standards?

Question

[Originally posted here, but moved as being too tangential to the specific question]

[This is similar to this question, but I'm not describing topicality of questions so much as the ability of answers to these questions to meet the standards we enforce for non-etiquette questions]

I don't disagree that the etiquette questions relate to interpersonal skills, nor that they can be popular and helpful. But with the recent emphasis on experience-based answers and scope of the site, should they be included here?

It seems to me that we have the following options:

1. Assume that IPS has enough "etiquette experts" (however we define that) that these sorts of questions can be reliably addressed for enough users in enough distinct contexts around the world

2. We acknowledge that the rules are less strict for etiquette questions (or that such questions get a special exception from the standard), and allow for non-expert answers but still generally expect a "correct" answer to exist and be presented

3. We expect a "correct by consensus" approach, where different answers can be submitted and the most upvoted ones are "correct" by acclaim (etiquette generally depends on what others expect and how they judge the asker's behavior)

4. We accept that etiquette questions will diverge from the typical question-answer setup of an SE site (IPS already has some of this character anyways, so that may not be too much of a stretch), and prepare to endure/accommodate a large number of "I feel like" or "I often see" types of answers

I personally don't think that etiquette questions are unreasonable for the site. But if we're formalizing other types of questions and answers to conform to the SE approach, as seems to be happening, etiquette questions are kind of an odd duck.

My parents made me go to etiquette school as a child. To the extent that there is an Emily Post-style "correct" answer to a question, I may know it. But if that answer is not generally known, can people really interpret it correctly?

As a (not great, admittedly) example, many people have internalized "ladies first" as the polite approach to pretty much everything. That's often true, but is specifically not when entering an elevator. Yet, if a man darts ahead to get on an elevator before a woman I think that many observers would consider it rude because it's not "ladies first".

Can it be a good interpersonal skill suggestion if a random observer would consider the action to be inappropriate, despite being technically correct by a standard of which many, perhaps most, are unaware?

Can we keep these sorts of questions and simultaneously maintain the same standards we expect for non-etiquette IPS answers?

Answer 1

My take is yes, these can be answered to our standards.

Etiquette by definition should be an established cultural norm. It covers things from "what fork do I use at a fancy restaurant" to "what do I do with my shoes when entering a Japanese home". Although personal preference and opinions on how necessary it is to follow etiquette varies, the proper etiquette itself is widely agreed upon and understood.

Regarding your point

2. We acknowledge that the rules are less strict for etiquette questions (or that such questions get a special exception from the standard), and allow for non-expert answers but still generally expect a "correct" answer to exist and be presented

Actually, I think we need our standards for backing it up to be especially strict for these questions. Not just "well, when I visited my friend in Japan this one time..." but rather linking to authoritative sources, which should exist for situations which are a question of etiquette (think Emily Post, travel guides, sociology/anthropology papers, etc.).

So if a user asked,

What fork should I use at a fancy restaurant?
etiquette some-culture

An answer saying

Use whatever you like! I used the same fork for the whole meal the last time I went to a restaurant there, and nobody seemed to care.

would be invalid (or at least low-quality), because there's no backup to show that this is a widely accepted cultural standard.

Instead, we'd want answers like

According to Some-Culture Etiquette Guru, you should start with the outermost fork, and work your way in as new courses arrive.

And if they wanted to add "... but when I was there last, my friend used the same fork the whole time, and nobody seemed to care", that'd be a useful addition to explain how important the etiquette was - it just doesn't work on its own to explain what the etiquette actually is.

And of course cultural norms shift. For example, when I was looking up sources about business card etiquette for a recent question I found there was a divide: some people insist business cards are necessary professional accoutrements, some insist it's outdated. So say we had a question like

What is the appropriate way to exchange contact info at a networking event?

it is perfectly fine to have multiple, contradictory answers, as long as they are backed up.

A1: You need to have business cards, they show you're serious and professional. As described in my Corporate Protocol 101 class, ...

A2: Business cards are a thing of the past and I've never seen them at any networking event in my city/field. Respected Business Blogger recommends...

This is analogous to Stack Overflow where language versions are evolving, so people post multiple answers for multiple versions. "This is how you do it in Java..." and later on someone posts "Java 8 introduced this new feature where you would do it this different way..." In fact we do have an etiquette question where the answers specifically discuss a generational shift: Who should identify themself first on the phone: the caller or the person called? (as a bonus I think AJ's answer there also is a good example of providing backup!).

And just to address your third point explicitly (I think the rest are basically covered by the above) - a "correct by consensus" approach is essentially how Stack Exchange is meant to work, right? In the above example where there's two "acceptable" answers (use cards / don't use cards), voting will give OP an idea of what is socially in vogue. However, I would also expect good quality answers to go into enough detail that OP can understand when the etiquette applies and any caveats thereof.

Answer 2

Just a thought, but etiquette is defined as:

et·i·quette

the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

So these are questions about what's customary in a given society or particular group.

As there's a lot of variation from one society/group to the next and given that these things evolve over time... A strictly prescriptive approach probably isn't necessary or ideal.

For instance, I too was raised with the "ladies first" thing. I later learned that some women don't appreciate it, and find it somewhat belittling, so my understanding of this particular etiquette changed. I'm still aware of the older etiquette construct and can apply it when it feels appropriate, but that leaves room for nuanced interpretations, applications, and understanding of how etiquette works.

Like most things, there's rarely one single "correct" answer. This has actually come up on technical sites like Stack Overflow. Think of etiquette like "best practices" in programming, in a lot of cases there will be a preferred "best practice" way to do something, but in a lot of other cases, it's really a 6 versus half dozen. There may be several ways to accomplish the same task, and the "best" way will probably come down to context and/or personal preference.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Diverse opinions about etiquette can have a place here provided that they fit the situation asked about.

The thing we should probably be on the lookout for is the answers that shoehorn opinion into etiquette... To use Stack Overflow as an example, most web-related questions end up receiving some version of "use jQuery" as an answer, regardless of how simple the question may be. And admittedly, sometimes using a JavaScript library makes sense... But it doesn't always make sense, it just happens to be a very popular tool, and as the saying goes "if all you have is a hammer, all the world is a nail"

Some folks seem to have a limited tool box when it comes to etiquette, or when it comes to navigating social situations in general. These folks tend to want to pass off their opinions about how things should be handled as "best practices". All they have is "be blunt" or "first come first serve" or what have you, and they'll apply that version of etiquette to every situation. While those tools do have their uses, they don't fit every situation any better than "use jQuery" fits every question on Stack Overflow. Basically they're recommending driving screws with a hammer.

Fortunately one thing that you suppose to be a problem, the back-it-up policy, may help here.

When it comes to questions of etiquette we can, and should, still ask users to support their answer with experience or references. Asking users to provide an example of a case where their approach worked, or an etiquette guide that supports their claim would probably narrow the field of answers.

Sure we'll have users who have successfully beaten a screw into a block of wood with their hammer, but having them explain how that process went will likely show that it really isn't a preferred method.